Being a Mom is Tough

One of my Facebook friends posted the link to an online bible study and I was so intrigued by the title that I just couldn't pass it up.  I mean, it's like someone read my mind.  Am I Messing Up My Kids?  Are you kidding me?  I probably ask myself this question on an hourly basis.

I read the first section the day my book came in the mail and I already LOVE it!  I am a compulsive reader, so it took some major self-control not to finish the whole thing.  I love how Lysa, the author, is so honest and relatable about her journey as a mother.  I am so excited to see how God uses this study to touch my life and the lives of my kids.

Speaking of my kids, here they are in all their cuteness. :)

This is the one. and. only. picture we got before Weston refused to cooperate.  Aren't toddlers great?

Weston will be 2 next week and loves his sister, his papa and nana, his daddy, playing outside, and anything with wheels...pretty much in that order.  Mommy is somewhere down the list between Lightning McQueen and peanut butter sandwiches.  This kid already gives us a run for our money. One minute he is strong-willed and defiant and the next he's crawling in my lap asking for "sugars."  I'm pretty sure he's going to be one of those kids that outsmarts his parents by age 3.  Lord, help us.  But he's also smart and hilarious and tender-hearted and the best big brother there ever was.  I could go on and on about how amazing this little boy is, but for the sake of whoever reads this, I'll stop there.

Anna Beth is almost 4 months old and loves her mommy more than anyone else on the planet...brother is a close second. She enjoys watching Wheel of Fortune and eating her fists.  She also happens to be the sweetest baby on God's green earth and has a smile that could melt Queen Elsa's ice castle.  Her mommy and daddy are already wrapped around her finger.

I am the most #imperfectmom but oh, my love for these babies is fierce.  My hope and prayer is that I can be the mother that these two precious lives deserve.  That the choices I make for them and the words I speak to them and the actions they observe from me will lead them to be kind, honest, generous, hard-working, and, most importantly, Godly adults...easier said than done.  Lord, I need Your guidance and mercy because I so desperately want to do this right for them.

Unexpected

Anna Beth - 1 day old

I would like to preface this story by pointing out that unexpected does not, in any way, shape, or form, mean unloved or unwanted.  This precious gift has been loved and wanted and cherished since we first knew she existed. 

A little backstory on our new bundle of joy...I was not prepared for her.  And still feel that way sometimes.  I was content in my role as wife and mother of one.  We were in a groove.  Everyone slept at night.  Going out as a family was getting to be less of a chore and more of something we (we being the adults) actually enjoyed.  And if you had told me a year ago that we would have two kids right now, I would have said you were insane.

Then, there I was one week after Weston's first birthday holding a positive pregnancy test that I only took so J would just quit freakin' worrying.  And the only thought I remember having is I can't do this.  I honestly did not think I had it in me.  How would I grow, and birth, and keep another tiny person alive while dealing with an energetic toddler whose needs required ALL my energy?  How would I have anything left to give another child?

Oh sure, I always planned for Weston to have at least one sibling somewhere down the road.  But it was always in the back of my mind like most of my other plans.  Like the one about writing a children's book about my family or opening a boutique that only sells socially-conscious products. What I'm trying to say is, it was fun to think about, but I didn't ever actively pursue it.  And had no plans to pursue it in the near future.

But sometimes I make plans, and I think God laughs.  Because His plan is better than mine and He knows more than I do.  And He has provided what I need to make this new crazy, wonderful, exhausting life work.  He gave me an amazing husband who truly shares the load of raising our children, a smart and independent little boy who just happens to be an awesome big brother, and a heart for my family that falls more in love with them every day.  And somehow I have enough energy to keep this whole insane household fed and clean (sort of) and happy (most of the time).  Although, at the end of most days J and I do fall into bed feeling like we've run a marathon.

So, thank You Lord for the privilege of raising these two wonderful little people.  I am so grateful.

And Anna Beth, even though you came a little sooner than I planned, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love you so much and have so many hopes and dreams for you.  Welcome to the world sweet girl.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Father Figure

They may not know it yet, but my kids hit the jackpot when it comes to daddies.  Seriously.  I would never survive this craziness without him.  Weston thinks he's pretty much the coolest, and Anna Beth...well, I'm sure she'll come around once I'm not her only source of food. ;)

So happy Father's Day to my one and only.  And to my own daddy, who also happens to be a contender for Greatest Dad Ever.  We are so blessed to have you both.

The following video was my cheesy Father's Day gift to J, but unless you feel like spending 3+ minutes looking at a ton of pics of us and our kids, you may not want to waste your time.  Fair warning.